Today on CBC's "The Current" Radio Show, there was an author in to talk about her new booked called "Nation of Whimps"...here is what I wrote back to the show. Should you want to take a listen: http://www.cbc.ca/thecurrent/2008/200812/20081217.html
“Nation of Whimps” is another book we can add to the long list of books written to slap our parents on the wrist, to point fingers at our fear building and innocence stealing media and to point out that collectively, our communities are not all that healthy. Reminding us again, that the ‘good old days’ are gone. Other popular books on the subject of “what’s different” in the lives of children today include The Last Child in the Woods: Saving our children from Nature Deficit Disorder by Richard Louv (www.richardlouv.com AND www.childrenandnature.org ). Louv says that our children are growing up alienated from natural spaces and that we - our communities, our built environment, our policies (reflecting our collective values), and our life styles are to blame. Jean M. Twenge writes in her book Generation Me (www.generationme.org) that today’s youth are more confident, assertive, entitled – and more miserable than ever. Hmmm. So we have all the theories and reasons why things suck…so what should actually do about it?
I have a prescription for the “the bubble wrapped child”…the doctor is calling for CAMP!
My name is Hannah "Banana" Feldberg and I have about 20 years of summer camp experience, as a camper, as a staff member, as camp leadership staff (administration), as a director and now as someone studying camp in her Master’s degree at University!
What kind of camp you ask? ANY CAMP WILL DO – as long as it is child focused and includes well-trained staff who care about teaching children and youth responsibility.
Genuine Relationships + Campers + Staff = Camp’s Safe Environment:
The best camp programs also focus on encouraging the opportunity for children to take risks in a safe environment. These safe environments can be contributed to the genuine relationships of support that are built among campers and between campers and their mentors (“counsellors”). This can only happen in places where children can interact and practice their social skills!
Camp: for the Love of Learning – not just about your GPA and Graduation Day!
Camp, and other youth focused programs, offers an opportunity for children to enjoy the learning process – where activities are focused on a love of learning instead of on the end result, such as GPA. Summer camp, day camp, march break camp, weekend camp, and if schools should be so lucky – school camp leadership programs or outdoor education centres! They all work!
Learn Skills, Practice Skills
Camps offer a place for children to practice coping skills, without mom and dad. Children and youth have to learn to negotiate, learn about consequences, problem-solving skills and learn to take responsibility. How? Firstly, mom and dad are not around to step in. Its up to the child to take responsibility for their own actions. Secondly, the best camp staffs are trained to help children learn these problem-solving skills – practice them, make mistakes, and try again! “Nation of Whimps” spoke of this today, that children aren't really practicing these skills because others are stepping in before they can spill their own milk. But we do not do children any favours by giving them the answers.
What I have noticed working with parents in the camp world is that some of them seriously lack both the ability and importance in setting and sticking to limits with their children. The most challenging children to work with at camp are those who have inconsistent or completely lack limits at home. I sometimes wish we could invite parents in and run the same training sessions we have with our staff!
WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT??
TOOLS:
Here is one tool counsellors and parents can use to help a child build problem solving skills:
Situation: If a child makes a mistake/does something they were not supposed/has a challenge ahead of them etc…
What you can do: Ask them a serious of questions – and do not fill in the gaps for them…its up to them to take responsibility for their actions!
1. What happened?
(Get the child to tell you the story – collect information)
2. What was that like for you? What do you think that was like for them? (others involved?)
(This is when you teach a child empathy – they can talk about their feelings related to the situation, and then they are asked to reflect on the feelings of the ‘other side’ of the story)
3. What did you want to have happen?
(This is when you get a child to express what they wanted out of their actions…but clearly that didn’t happen – its up to the child to tell you this)
4. So is what you want to have happen, what happened?
(Compare the stories, help the child realize their actions don’t meet their wants)
5. Okay – so what is your plan?
(This is when you might need to remind a child of the LIMIT, that is what is it that they can’t do, but help them understand what they can do. ie “Everyone knows that you can’t hit other people at camp, it’s not an option. You can’t stay at camp if you hit other children, so what is your plan to make sure that doesn’t happen? We want you here at camp, but not if you’re breaking the rules of safety” etc…)
6. How will you stick to your plan? How can I/your counsellor/your friends help you?
(This is when you get commitment form the child and ask/remind them that there are supports to help them be successful!)
SUMMARY:
* Collect the information (from the child)
* Reflect/Encourage Empathy (from the child)
* Compare actions with desired outcomes (from the child)
* Brainstorm ways in which a child can achieve ‘what they want’
(again, this is up to the child, it is THEIR plan, not yours).
* Commitment (from the child to stick to THEIR plan)
In my humble opinion, its just what the doctor ordered!
Now if only camp could be more accessible...like say...through the public school system?! Then we could really make some change in the way children take responsibility!
Thanks for reading!
- Hannah Banana
